Don't feel ready...

Yesterday, my husband observed Gabe taking his baby reindeer to bed, cover him up, and then kneel by the bed and start saying prayers for him.  I love that little boy.  And I am so thankful that God is answering our prayers for a soft, teachable heart that loves Jesus. 

Gabe's little brother or sister's personality is starting to show, too!  I predict this one will be much more active, strong-willed, and less of a cuddler.  The Lord has used Gabe to teach me so much, and with another child who is so different, I am sure I am in for some very different lessons.  Am I up for this?

I am a bit nervous about labor and the weeks that follow.  But more than nervous, I am excited to hold this little one and kiss some soft little cheeks.  Maybe this is weird, but I am looking forward to breastfeeding and those night time feedings alone with this new child. 

I will be needing so much grace.  I'd better get out my knee pads and follow my son's example!

Mama's Name?

I just asked Gabe what Mama's name is.  He said "Love You".

My sweet grandma is with Jesus.  I am so glad for her.  I had the BEST time seeing everyone at her funeral.  The whole experience what so positive for me.  Praise be to God.

Only about 2 more months and we'll have another little miracle to praise God for.  That is delightful!  We have been decorating and preparing for Christmas.  I really love this time of year.  I hope we can help Gabe understand the Father's great love for him, that while we were still sinners, Christ came to earth and died for us. 

We're off to Salina today for daipers, piano books and a Christmas present for my mom.  Most of my other shopping will be done online.  Easy!

Oh, and Gabe will be 2 in a week.  We got him this big tractor he can pedal himself.  He's going to FREAK OUT!  I am really pumped and most of Jake's fam will be there.  He'll love the attention.  He's such a happy and fun little boy.  I wonder how much his world will be rocked when we bring this other little one home...

Manners

Gabe is saying "Yes, Please" and "No, Thank You" all the time.  Even when he's not supposed to.  Like, I said, "Gabe, did you play with Missy today"
"Yes, Please."

Too cute!

He also says "Watch This!" and spins in circles until he falls down.
Tonight, I had him at the sink with me "helping" me wash dishes.  I let the water run at a trickle and he poured it out of cups and tried all different shapes of dishes and utencils under it to see what it would do.  And he brought his duck to swim in the water, too.  =)

Can't wait for this other baby to come out!  Can't wait for a tiny one!

He is listening...

Even when I am LOST in knowing what to do...
When I don't know what to pray, except "Lord, please intervene!"...
I may not feel like I have any answers...
No idea what will happen next...
Still exactly where we were six months ago, or even 20 years ago...
No glimmer of evidence that anything will every change...

Yet, I KNOW, without doubt, that He is listening.  And He knows.  And since there is nothing that He cannot do, there is nothing for me to worry about.

Pumpkin Delight!

Last day of October...space heater running, blanket covering up my legs, sitting by the window enjoying the sunshine, baby is kicking and I just ate a peanut butter bar with a tall glass of milk. 

Here are some last updates on my list:
1. See my grandma again.  They decided to bring in hospice for my grandma last week.  I probably won't see her again for a long time.  But my grandma is one of my relatives that has faithfully followed Jesus her entire life.  So I am confident I will see her in heaven.  And if she makes it...around Christmas.
3. Teach Gabe to ID the color orange. He knows Orange sometimes, yet he is getting really good at pink. 
5. Increase my prayer life.  This month, especially the last week or two, has been very challenging.  And yet, so sweet as I have been talking to Jesus more and more along the way.  He has been my refuge and strength.  He has also acted on my behalf in ways that can only have been Him.  There just aren't any other explanations.
7. See Shannon get married!  Last night was beautiful!  This makes me very happy.
9. Sell our house!?  We're waiting to see what the Lord is up to on this one.  =)
24. Get a cute haircut.   Well, our funds were a little tight, so I went and bought a fatter curling iron instead, which makes my hair look totally different.  I like it!
29. Cook an awesome breakfast on Sunday mornings.  I don't know about awesome.  But I'm at least making something hot for Jake these days.
30. Find the perfect birthday present for my dad.  I think I've got it.


I think I will make a list of November...but shorter.  Happy Halloween everyone!  The Lord is good!

Update on my list:
1. See my grandma again.  I'm not sure this is going to happen.

2. Bake something with pumpkin in it.  I will make pumpkin something for dessert on Sunday.
3. Teach Gabe to ID the color orange.  We're kinda hit and miss at this point.
4. Carve a pumpkin, for sure.  Ooh.  I bought one.  It's on my porch.
5. Increase my prayer life.
6. Clean the house thoroughly once a week.  Fail.
7. See Shannon get married!  This happens on Oct. 30!
8. Organize all the recipes I've cut out of magazines.
9. Sell our house!?  Probaby just wishful thinking.
10. Read a book about gardening.  Got Gardening for Dummies at the library and started it.
11. Burn candles at least once a day.   I guess it's too late to really do this one.  But I have been burning the more..  Maybe I'll just scratch it out, then.
12. Sit by the fire in the backyard once every weekend.  Once, that's it.
13. Try some new bean recipes.  I found out where I can get some more.
14. Finish all the little paint touch ups in my house.  Haven't even touched this one.
15. Take stuff from the garage out back to the dump.  Nope.  But we are having a garage sale Saturday.  This will get rid of some of it, I think.
16. Get Gabe to tell me when he wants to go potty. (I think I'm dreaming.)  Gabe is getting better at this, and it's happened a time or two.
17. Have 2 couples over for dinner.  Better get this on the calendar!
18. Watch a K-state game live on TV.
19. Go for a walk at least 2x a week.  Nope, not at all!
20. Start Christmas music with my piano students.
21. Buy a couch!
22. Get a new Dr. for Gabe and schedule his 2 year check up  I can do this tomorrow.
23. Encourage people around me more.
24. Get a cute haircut.  I'll make an appointment tomorrow.
25. Read Bringing Up Boys  Started it.  I think it will take awhile, because Jake and I are reading it together and we usually read on longer car trips.
26. Read the new Francine Rivers book.  I'm 2nd on the list when it comes to the library.
27. Take Jacob to the new hunter's store in town. (Just discovered it today.)
28. Find new ways to use cereal.
29. Cook an awesome breakfast on Sunday mornings.
30. Find the perfect birthday present for my dad. (Already have my mom's ready.)  No idea.  Any suggestions, anyone?
31. Read my bible twice as much as I have been.  Not really...but I'm not doing that badly.

So...I feel like I've been really busy and working hard.  It's amazing how much work I can do in one day and not have much to show for it.  Story of a stay at home mommy, I guess. 
Here is my new favorite pic!

And a couple more:

Orange Sunday

3.  Gabe brought me an orange guitar pick last night and said "orange pick".
4.  Got a pumpkin...will carve it soon!
16.  Gabe asked to go potty Friday night and then went!
20.  Started last week!
29.  Made pancakes today...

Also, Baby Engle moved in my belly repeatedly during the Salina Symphony concert this evening, which was quite a treat!  Perhaps we will have another musician!

Gabe

It is cold in my house.  I kinda like it, but I washed the blankets last night and they're not dry yet!  Pulled out my trusty robe instead.

My original purpose for this blog was to record what Gabe is doing so I won't forget someday.  It's kind of taken a turn off course, but I don't mind so much.  So, Gabe is talking all the time.  Sometimes, he gets a whole sentence out, like, "I want up" or "Please ride bike."  He picks up a new word about every other day.  Last night he dropped something and said "shoot."  Not sure I wanted him to pick that one up, but Jake said it was no big deal.
He loves to eat goldfish crackers, raisins, still broccoli and any kind of meat.  Oh and peanut butter toast. 
He is OBSESSED with tractors.  He asks every day to go see Papa and ride the tractors.  He is busy right now playing in his room.  He prefers to have the door shut.
We have been singing "This Little Light of Mine" and he's picked up the parts he is supposed to do.  He blows on my finger when we sing "Don't let Satan blow it out"  And he shouts "NO!" when I sing "Hide it under a bushel"  And then he says "bush" because that 's his favorite verse, so we do that one a minimum of 3 times.  Then I sing "Let is shine till" and Gabe says "Jesus" and I finish with "comes.  I'm gonna let it shine."  It makes for a nice duet.  We caught it on camera the other night.  I'm glad we did.
Jake introduced him to the trombone last night.  Gabe was facinated.  He even made a nice buzz and got the horn to make some noise himself.  But mostly he sang into it like a microphone.
Oh!  And he has just started saying his own name and identifying himself in the mirror or in pictures.  He calls himself "Wabe".
He is a joy.  I pray every day that the Lord will give him an obedient heart.  We are doing our best to train him to obey, but we really don't know what we're doing.  God can make his heart sweet, though.

And finally, my list:
25.  Jake and I got in nearly 2 chapters of Bringing Up Boys
26.  I asked the library about the Francine Rivers book and they put me on the list.  I am #2 to read it!
5,31.  These are tougher to measure, I guess, but I feel they have become a priority the last few days.  I am enjoying this very much.

Progress...

I know it's only Oct. 2nd, but I have already done a few things on my list!

Yesterday, Oct 1, I:

11.  Burned a candle
12.  Sat by the fire with Jacob and Gabriel.  We saw 5 satellites in the sky!
19.  Took 2 walks!
27.  Tried to take Jake to the store, but it was closed when we got there.

And TODAY... I bought a couch!!!  We have waited so long and were ready to spend some $ and I found one in GREAT condition at the Fort Riley Garage sales for $50!!!  It's like, the Lord just blessed us with a couch!  We are sitting on it now...together!  Two of us on the same piece of furniture.  It's brown and so comfy!  Oh, and I think all the garage sale-ing counts as walking, too! 

Sigh.  What a great day!

31 things in 31 days!

I think October is my favorite month.

31 things I want to do in the next 31 days:

1.  See my grandma again.
2.  Bake something with pumpkin in it.
3.  Teach Gabe to ID the color orange.
4.  Carve a pumpkin, for sure.
5.  Increase my prayer life.
6.  Clean the house thoroughly once a week.
7.  See Shannon get married!
8.  Organize all the recipes I've cut out of magazines.
9.  Sell our house!?
10.  Read a book about gardening.
11.  Burn candles at least once a day.
12.  Sit by the fire in the backyard once every weekend.
13.  Try some new bean recipes.
14.  Finish all the little paint touch ups in my house.
15.  Take stuff from the garage out back to the dump.
16.  Get Gabe to tell me when he wants to go potty.  (I think I'm dreaming.)
17.  Have 2 couples over for dinner.
18.  Watch a K-state game live on TV.
19.  Go for a walk at least 2x a week.
20.  Start Christmas music with my piano students.
21.  Buy a couch!
22.  Get a new Dr. for Gabe and schedule his 2 year check up
23.  Encourage people around me more.
24.  Get a cute haircut.
25.  Read Bringing Up Boys
26.  Read the new Francine Rivers book.
27.  Take Jacob to the new hunter's store in town.  (Just discovered it today.)
28.  Find new ways to use cereal.
29.  Cook an awesome breakfast on Sunday mornings.
30.  Find the perfect birthday present for my dad.  (Already have my mom's ready.)
31.  Read my bible twice as much as I have been.

Whew!  I hope my husbie is reading this, cause I will need some help, for sure!

Out of proportion.

While it seems that God is pouring out His blessings in my life, I am struggling to give Him the attention He deserves.  He is truly showing me that He operates on a system of Grace.  Because it is obvious to me that I am not earning His blessings.  There is a long list of things I should be doing, and normally, that makes me feel pretty down on myself and sheepish in approaching the Lord with anything.  Yet, I see Him loving me, providing for me, and filling my life with things that give me joy, so how can I wonder if He is disappointed in me?  Or if he doesn't want to bless me because I ignore Him?

In my heart, I am praising Him because of all He is doing in my life.  Yet, on a daily basis, I know I could acknowledge Him more and more, because this is what He is worthy of. 

He is too good to us!

Yesterday I went to see my mom in KC to sit with her through her Chemo treatment.  When I asked her what she had found out at her appointments, she told me that her MRI showed that her tumor was gone.  There was no longer "any measurable material" to show that a tumor was present.  So, yesterday was supposed to be her first of 3 more chemo treatments on a different kind of chemo that was supposed to make her sicker.  But her doctor decided to stick with the same type of chemo as before and make this her last treatment! 
Also, she will have surgery to remove both breasts in a month.  And then radiation.  Everything should be finished by the first of the year.  We were all so glad to hear this!

In other news, my tummy is really growing.  Jacob and I have both gotten to enjoy feeling the baby move.

We are also seeing signs of the Lord's providence to us all around us in small ways.  Someone dropped off dinner the other night, Gabe got two brand new pair of shoes and a toddler bed give to us.  We are so, so blessed.  What can we do to worship the Great God in the way that He deserves?

Blessed.

We spent Friday night at the "clearest lake in Kansas" with some dear friends and our little boy.  We had the perfect weekend, and then it ended with a very unfortunate event, resulting in the loss of some major property.  We spent the rest of our trip, now a bit extended, watching them handle a very tough situation with grace and unshaken faith, which makes them even more dear to us.  We love you, Freys!

When I think about what COULD have happened, had our sons been with them, or had my husband been standing in a different spot, I have been so fearful and thankful.  Also, some of our other close friends had a big scare with their young nephew.  But he is doing well.  It's been an emotional weekend, making me very thankful for everyone around me. 

A time to tear down, and a time to build...

A miracle happened in my family yesterday.  I have been praying for restoration in my family, as there has been so much conflict over the years, among many of us.  And yesterday, there was a relationship renewed that has been severed for many years.  One small step, but one I thought may never happen.  I am so happy for those involved.  It was a good day.

My prayer for my family is that if we are not all restored to one another on earth, that everyone will know Jesus and be in heaven, where I am sure restoration will happen.  All things are possible with God.  Anything is possible if you believe.

Mothers, be good to your daughters, too...

I don't have a daughter...yet.  We are hoping the child in my tummy is a girl, so we'll have one of each.

My grandma is in the hospital.  I saw her yesterday and I am still upset that I had to leave.  Was that my last visit with her?  Half an hour?  I put chapstick on her lips and helped her get a drink of water.  And I got Gabe to kiss her face.  I wanted to do more.

My mom has cancer.  This was my time to see her without her hair.  She wasn't feeling well because of her recent chemo treatment.  Her prognosis is good, but I know she's having thoughts about her own life, wondering how much longer she has, how many more times she'll see her grandson...I would be if I were in her shoes.

So, I'm thinking of how I will remember my grandma and my mom.  And I am thinking of how I want my children to remember me.  As much as I have control over it, I want to remember to leave a lasting impression on them that will give them a fondness for me and not a sense frustration or bitterness.  It seems like no matter what kind of parents anyone has, there are hurts from their relationship in the past.  How do I minimize those? 

I got to see my mom's husband's mother this weekend, too.  I heard about how her kids had taken her out to eat more than once in the past week, given her a gate for her front porch so the grandkids didn't fall down the stair, and built a little bridge in her front yard so she doesn't stumble trying to step over the small creek that runs through it.  You can tell how much her children respect her and would do anything to help her.  They rise up again and again and call her blessed.

I have to much work to do in my life to be that kind of mother and grandmother.

Long Time No Post...

It has been a few months, I know.  I just wasn't sure what to say after that last post.  Baby Engle #2 would have been due in the next couple of weeks.  It was a rough season, but I kept being reminded of how much the Lord loves me and that was enough to give me hope. 

So, Baby Engle #3 will be with us in Febuary, Lord willing.  There is much to be glad about.

Something else that was really bittersweet was hearing from all of the other women around me who had miscarried.  Some of them hadn't told anyone else.  I felt blessed to be able to share their sorrow and anything that had brought me hope.  Community is so important.

Gabe is growing and changing at an alarming rate.  And so am I. I feel like my learning to parent can't keep up with his developmental changes.  Yet, I really don't have a choice, do I?  I am constantly reminded of my need for Jesus's character to be refined in me.  How else can I be a good wife and mommy?

Gabe is getting so big!  I can't believe how tall he is.  He's probably still small for his age, but he seems so big to me!  We'll find out in a couple weeks where he is on the scale these days.

And...I'm prego again!  Due in mid-September.  We're pretty excited.  We're not going to find out the gender, and Jake says we're not telling any names!  (But to be honest, we haven't decided on a boy's name yet.)

The school year will be over in only 2 months.  I'm definitely looking forward to that, but I'm hoping the weather warms up in the next couple of weeks.  I'm shopping for a double stroller and Lily can help break it in!  I need to get moving!

There's just something about that name...

Gabe's new word today: Jesus

Sorry, Grandmas!

I feel bad that I'm not updating, for the Grandmas.  But I know I'll be glad someday that I've updated this, too. 

Gabe is a JOY!  He's walking everywhere, into everything, noisy and FUN!  He loves music and he learned a song.  We got this Baby Beluga book at the library.  It's a song, so I sing the book to him.  He carries it around the house singing, and he gets the first two notes right.  "Mi-Do" on the "Ba-by".  It's the first song he seems to remember. 

We went to watch Daddy coach basketball last night.  Gabe watches the boys and puts his hands in the air and yells "Ball!".  And at time out, I pointed out Jacob and he kept saying "Dad!  Dad!".  He also kept saying "Hi!" to the little junior high girls sitting near us. 

I think tooth #7 is on the way, which means #8 isn't far behind. 

Here's a pic I took yesterday...and some I found from earlier I hadn't put on the computer yet: