Mar 28, 2013


Monday night, we made the much anticipated trip to Wichita to see Jim Gaffigan perform.  We bought tickets a long time ago and the day had finally come!
 This pic makes me laugh because we took it in Panera...not at the show.  Those brownies were amazing.
This morning, we colored Easter Eggs.  Elliott can NOT say Easter.  Not even close.  I can't wait for everyone to try to figure out what he's talking about.  The boys were pumped!  Only 1 egg was damaged in the process.  Pretty good considering Ell just dropped them in the dye from about 5 inches above.  Awesome.
 These two were my favs.  Then, we went to the library and met some friends at the park.  The warm weather is finally here!  The boys are good and tired after playing outdoors more.  I have been running again and I'm loving it!  Everything just feels better.  Praise the Lord for new life!

*I forgot to mention (Kristen reminded me) that a lady who was at the park with the boy she watches asked Kristen and I if we had brought our Daycare to the park today.  We took it as a compliment. 

Mar 24, 2013

Spring Break 2013!

We got Ell finger paints for his birthday (beginning of February) and we finally broke them out.  For St. Patrick's Day, we worked on learning to identify the color green.  I think he's got it!
We planned to visit my Mom and we had to pass through KC to do that.  So, we took the boys to the T-Rex cafĂ© at Legends.  We also got a hotel room so we could swim!
Aunt Rachel joined us for dinner.  We love her.
We had a nice visit in MO.  One of the restaurants we visited gave the boys cute hats for St. Patty's Day.
On our way home, Jake and I made big plans for our house.  We have been praying for so long about what to do: fix it up more, rent it, stay here at fix it up to live in...we haven't had a clear answer.  And everyone who looks at it says it's too small.  So, we made a plan (more on that later).  This week, we painted in about every room in the house, even the outside some and did some sprucing up in the bathroom.  We worked HARD and I really love the way it looks!  More major work to come.  I'll be sure to take pics!  We hope to get it on the market again soon!

Mar 13, 2013

Ready to Share

I'm ready to share a bit about the last week.  I'm also afraid that if I wait too long to write this stuff down, I'll forget.

Last Wednesday, I had a Dr. appt.  Just a routine check up for baby, I was just over 15 weeks along.  There was no heartbeat.  After two sonograms, they confirmed that our baby had died.  Jacob and I decided to go into the hospital to deliver the body the next morning.

I was given a drug that softened my cervix and cause what was in my uterus to pass.  It took about 7-8 hours, and it caused some heavy cramping, but otherwise was mostly painless. 

Thursday was a very surreal day.  Lots of resting and waiting for things to start happening.  We had both cried so many tears the day before that we were just introspective most of the day.  The nurses were patient and gentle and wonderful.  One was a good friend and I know she was praying the whole time.

They told me the baby would come out quickly, and it did.  I wish I could have delivered him more gently or slowly, but I had no control over that.  He was perfectly formed.  His hands were beautiful.  Tiny ears, toes, and muscles.   Our sweet boy.  We named him Isaac Phillip Engle.  5.5 inches long, 1.8 oz.  The hardest part was when we had to give his little body back to the nurses.

I have noticed a separation between what I KNOW and what I feel. 
I KNOW that Isaac is with the Lord: a perfect Father.  I feel so sad that I never got to be his mommy.
I KNOW the Lord never gets anything wrong.  I feel that this shouldn't have happened.
I KNOW that I don't need to know why.  The Lord knows and He has my best in mind.  I feel confused about why God would allow this.
I KNOW that Jeremiah 29:11 is true.  God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  I feel broken and sorrowful.
I KNOW that this sadness is only for a season.  I feel scared that it might not go away.
I KNOW that God loves me and has been caring for me closely through this process.  I feel so loved and even blessed by His goodness to me.  While He did not allow me to keep this gift, His gifts of salvation, a future in heaven with Him, and His constant love are certain and even more precious than our sweet Isaac.

Sometimes God spares us devastation and heartache.  And sometimes He causes it.  Either way, He is worthy of our worship and submission.  He has done more good for me than anyone else could.  Though He slay me, I will hope.  He is good and He does good.