Out of proportion.

While it seems that God is pouring out His blessings in my life, I am struggling to give Him the attention He deserves.  He is truly showing me that He operates on a system of Grace.  Because it is obvious to me that I am not earning His blessings.  There is a long list of things I should be doing, and normally, that makes me feel pretty down on myself and sheepish in approaching the Lord with anything.  Yet, I see Him loving me, providing for me, and filling my life with things that give me joy, so how can I wonder if He is disappointed in me?  Or if he doesn't want to bless me because I ignore Him?

In my heart, I am praising Him because of all He is doing in my life.  Yet, on a daily basis, I know I could acknowledge Him more and more, because this is what He is worthy of. 

He is too good to us!

Yesterday I went to see my mom in KC to sit with her through her Chemo treatment.  When I asked her what she had found out at her appointments, she told me that her MRI showed that her tumor was gone.  There was no longer "any measurable material" to show that a tumor was present.  So, yesterday was supposed to be her first of 3 more chemo treatments on a different kind of chemo that was supposed to make her sicker.  But her doctor decided to stick with the same type of chemo as before and make this her last treatment! 
Also, she will have surgery to remove both breasts in a month.  And then radiation.  Everything should be finished by the first of the year.  We were all so glad to hear this!

In other news, my tummy is really growing.  Jacob and I have both gotten to enjoy feeling the baby move.

We are also seeing signs of the Lord's providence to us all around us in small ways.  Someone dropped off dinner the other night, Gabe got two brand new pair of shoes and a toddler bed give to us.  We are so, so blessed.  What can we do to worship the Great God in the way that He deserves?

Blessed.

We spent Friday night at the "clearest lake in Kansas" with some dear friends and our little boy.  We had the perfect weekend, and then it ended with a very unfortunate event, resulting in the loss of some major property.  We spent the rest of our trip, now a bit extended, watching them handle a very tough situation with grace and unshaken faith, which makes them even more dear to us.  We love you, Freys!

When I think about what COULD have happened, had our sons been with them, or had my husband been standing in a different spot, I have been so fearful and thankful.  Also, some of our other close friends had a big scare with their young nephew.  But he is doing well.  It's been an emotional weekend, making me very thankful for everyone around me. 

A time to tear down, and a time to build...

A miracle happened in my family yesterday.  I have been praying for restoration in my family, as there has been so much conflict over the years, among many of us.  And yesterday, there was a relationship renewed that has been severed for many years.  One small step, but one I thought may never happen.  I am so happy for those involved.  It was a good day.

My prayer for my family is that if we are not all restored to one another on earth, that everyone will know Jesus and be in heaven, where I am sure restoration will happen.  All things are possible with God.  Anything is possible if you believe.

Mothers, be good to your daughters, too...

I don't have a daughter...yet.  We are hoping the child in my tummy is a girl, so we'll have one of each.

My grandma is in the hospital.  I saw her yesterday and I am still upset that I had to leave.  Was that my last visit with her?  Half an hour?  I put chapstick on her lips and helped her get a drink of water.  And I got Gabe to kiss her face.  I wanted to do more.

My mom has cancer.  This was my time to see her without her hair.  She wasn't feeling well because of her recent chemo treatment.  Her prognosis is good, but I know she's having thoughts about her own life, wondering how much longer she has, how many more times she'll see her grandson...I would be if I were in her shoes.

So, I'm thinking of how I will remember my grandma and my mom.  And I am thinking of how I want my children to remember me.  As much as I have control over it, I want to remember to leave a lasting impression on them that will give them a fondness for me and not a sense frustration or bitterness.  It seems like no matter what kind of parents anyone has, there are hurts from their relationship in the past.  How do I minimize those? 

I got to see my mom's husband's mother this weekend, too.  I heard about how her kids had taken her out to eat more than once in the past week, given her a gate for her front porch so the grandkids didn't fall down the stair, and built a little bridge in her front yard so she doesn't stumble trying to step over the small creek that runs through it.  You can tell how much her children respect her and would do anything to help her.  They rise up again and again and call her blessed.

I have to much work to do in my life to be that kind of mother and grandmother.